I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions because I don’t keep them. Years ago, I stopped making resolutions because I got tired of disappointing myself.
We’re all guilty of it! How many times have you resolved to lose 20-pounds, read a book a week, workout 3 times a week, learn to play the piano or double the amount of money in your retirement account? Lofty! It’s time to come down to earth and resolve to set resolutions you have a snowballs chance at keeping.
Instead of signing up for 365 days of broken promises, check out the easy to keep resolutions I’ve come up with for you.
1. Stop eating foods that cut your mouth. Crusty french bread, Jolly Ranchers, Cap’n Crunch. All have to go!
2. Throw out undies with holes in them.
3. Quit buying shoes that hurt your feet before you even leave the store.
4. Invest in a good pair of house slippers.
5. Give up the farce that going backward on the elliptical is harder than going forward. It’s easier—that’s precisely why we do it.
6. Embrace podcasts and books on tape. You can do your chores while listening and won’t end up mindlessly zoned out in front of your television.
7. Resist creating the pile of close on that chair in your bedroom. You’re better than that.
8. Always bring a good book to read when getting a manicure. You’ll be surprised how much better it is to have great literature than having to flip through those the available tabloids on offer.
9. No Instagramming in bed, the bathroom or anywhere else you wouldn’t want the general public to see you.
10. No Fireball whiskey. Ever.
11. Invest in a good strapless bra.
12. Stop watching movies you already own on TBS. Life’s too short for commercials.
13. Don’t ascribe to “good” and “bad” eating days. Just do your best every day and move on.
14. Buy yourself attractive bedclothes. Seriously, you deserve to sleep pretty!
15. Drink more tea. Hot or iced!
16. Be a little more Olivia Pope, a little less Huck, when it comes to personal hygiene.
17. No more booking workout classes when you’re drunk. Or, making commitments in general when you’re drunk. The buck stops here.
18. Do the things that make you feel good more; the things that make you feel bad, less.
19. Don’t get consumed with the carb count in fruits and vegetables. No one has ever gained weight from eating too many apples.
20. Eliminate the lowbrow/despicable quadrant from your life. We’ve talked about this all year, you know the type I’m talking about.