In order to successfully navigate divorce, you must accept change. Part of accepting change is realizing that you have entered into new territory. Your life will never be the same again and you can only move forward. Even if you cannot imagine committing to someone right now, it is possible that you will have a change of heart in the future.
After the loss of a marriage, it can be a challenge to envision yourself in a lasting relationship. It is easier to throw yourself into raising your children, your career, your church, and any other distraction to avoid facing the fear of being alone forever. For some, remaining single is the right choice. However, you may want a new relationship, but feel you do not know where to find one.
You don’t have to go looking for love when it’s where you come from.” – Werner Erhard
Love is an energy. It is not something that you have to actively “look” for. You do not have to search for what is meant for you. You just have to give love and allow yourself to receive it. The moment that you do is the moment that you will change the way you approach relationships and change your life forever.
Here are 5 rules that you can start following today to change your mindset and start attracting long-term love after divorce:
1. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF.
If you want a serious relationship or even marriage, then embrace that. Stop lying to yourself and others by saying that you enjoy being single, if it is not really what you want. The only way to attract what you want into your life is to openly declare it. In fact, denying what you want will only move you further from your dream.
2. ESTABLISH WHAT YOU WANT AND NEED IN YOUR LIFE.
Do some soul-searching and figure out what has not worked for you in past relationships. What were the deal breakers? What experiences would you avoid repeating? Dig deep and define the specific characteristics of your ideal partner. Think about the values, beliefs and personality traits that you admire and want in a long-term partner. Consider where you are emotionally, mentally, physically, financially and spiritually and the type of partner that would complement your life.
3. STOP SETTLING FOR LESS.
Once you have a clear vision of what you want in a long-term partner, do not settle for less. You will not meet your ideal partner while wasting energy on romantic distractions. Date casually if you can do so in the spirit of fun, while remaining emotionally secure. Avoid dating out of boredom, or creating memories with a short-term fling that you’d rather be making with a long-term partner.
4. INVEST IN YOURSELF.
Do not waste another minute waiting to do the things you have always wanted to do, or believe you should do, to improve your quality of life. If you want to go to the jazz festival, do not wait until you have a date, just go! If you want to go back to college for a second degree, then apply and enroll. If you are dreaming of travelling to a certain destination, start planning your trip solo. Take small steps to become your Possible Self and everything you want in life will follow.
5. BE OPEN TO POSSIBILITY.
Recognize that the partner that is meant for you may not be what you expected. Try to be flexible when it comes to superficial characteristics. If you feel a connection, be willing to explore a relationship even if they are not your “type”. Build a friendship first and let the romantic relationship evolve organically. If they embody the traits you are looking for in a long-term partner, you will be glad you took a chance.